The hardest part is not dying before you get decent gear in....  You should always be suspicious of climbs with Funeral in the title.  The moves are not too hard, the gear is just a bit thin at the start.  When you finally get a bomber nut, the difficulties are almost over.

Spit Fires and Funeral Parlours

Briefcase Fulla Blues

Unknown 2

Unknown K

Raw Fish and Rice

Psycho Beta Buck Down

Chunky Monkey

Honey, I Shrunk the Hemmorrhoids

C'est la Morte

The Crux of the Biscuit is the Apostrophe (aka Unknown J)

Pump You Up

Love, Sex, and the IRS

Basil’s House of Healing

See You, See Me

This is a good warmup climb.  Start with a few steep moves, it has a couple small roofs to tackle.  This gets the blood flowin'.  The only annoying part is that it isn't all vertical.

The route starts two routes to the left of

Unknown 2

.  Look for a triangular roof.  Climb a  crack through the roof, onto a dihedral, then finish with a crack on a wall to the top.  There was enough loose rock on this route nobody wanted to second me.  I had to knock down a beachball-sized rock (I almost pulled it onto myself) and promise not to disturb the half of ton of gravel on top before anyone would come up.  Needless to say, I would avoid this route.

This route follows the arete just left of

Raw Fish and Rice

.  The moves are interesting and the bottom half is quite sustained for 5.10 -- with a powerful sequential mantle (kind of) move above the third  bolt.  I found this climb to be quite good for the area.  Climb up the left side of arete to clip the first bolt, then commit to the face on the RHS of the arete. Ring anchors for lowering.

This is actually kind of a fun line, although the lack of continuity drops the star rating a bit.  When/if you wander the Twelve Pack Wall's right side looking for a line to call out to you, you might just see this line and rack up.  It's not quite as hard as it looks, but the pro is small at the crux.

To the right of

Chunky Monkey

by perhaps 40 feet, you will see a S-shaped line in a left-facing dihedral of a pair.  Start up in the double cracks with good body scums.  There is a slightly reachy (especially for those 5'4") bit perhaps 25 feet up where you can scoot to the left crack if necessary.  That is probably the physical crux.  Then, you need to move right where the crack gets too small for pro or fingers.  You can get a #3 BD wire here before you reach out right for the arete hold.  That's a fun move and probably the mental crux.  Continue up the arete or dihedral to a ledge.  Finish off the line on slightly more licheny terrain.  There is an old small Friend stuck in a crack near the top.  Create a gear anchor.

The name used here is how it is listed in Jason Haas' colorful guidebook.

To descend, you can walk off to the right.

Oh yeah, Jackie saw a lizard climbing up and down the route...ropeless, of course.

This fun route takes the crack system through the left side of the 3 foot roof to the left of "

Hemorrhoids

". The majority of the climbing is 5.8 or easier. After you figure out the crux moves at the roof, the crack system widens to 4 inches. There are small cracks on the left that take wires.

Descent: use one of the anchors on the adjacent sport routes to rap on.

This is a decent little route with a powerful, bouldery sequence.

This route follows a moderate slab to an airy arete higher on the route, clipping 4 bolts as you go.  There are a few runouts that can be sewn up with small cams. The reachy moves at the start and the 3rd bolt will kept on your toes. Enjoy....

Climb to the left of

Briefcase Fulla Blues

. You climb a face with a nice, layback crack, and then go over a small roof with jugs. There is a short dihedral above this which is the route's crux. There are small footholds where it looks impossible to climb. Above the dihedral is a stance on a ledge. From here, a few moves lead to the top. There is a lot of gravel on top, so I see why Haas and Schneider did not give it a star. The climbing itself is good, and I could see all the gravel to the right on

Briefcase Fulla Blues

topout.

This is the bolted line left of "

Honey, I Shrunk the Hemorrhoids

" that passes through the right side of a 3' roof.

I found this route contrived - if you follow the exact line of the bolts, it is probably much harder than 5.9.  However, if you stay 3' farther right near a corner, it is a lot easier, maybe not even 5.9 (this avoids the big roof completely).  Above the roof, move left to a 2 bolt anchor (one with missing hanger).  Hubbel's guide shows this anchor as the end of the route, but somebody has added 2 more bolts and a top anchor to make an enjoyable finish.

Perfect jams lead to a bulge crux with tricky sequencing.

Where is it?  This climb is in a corner about 20 feet right of the "

Chunky Monkey

" arête.  The start is identified by two parallel cracks.  The crack on the right looks like an "S" and is about 40' in length.

Start by jamming up the two cracks.  As the cracks thin at a bulge, you will follow the left crack up a corner. The bulge can either be negotiated head on or by staying right of the bulge and then moving left across the top of the bulge (fun!).  Protection at this point is thin, but I found a good placement for a blue Alien (3/8") in the left crack.  Move straight up the corner to a ledge with loose rock.  Carefully move left on the ledge and follow the last two bolts of "

Chunky Monkey

" to bolted anchors.

This is a good trad line.  Start in a left-facing corner just left of "

Chunky Monkey

", about 30' right of "

Honey, I Shrunk the Hemorrhoids

."

Climb the corner (gear), step right, and continue past the overhang and headwall of

Chunky Monkey

(2 bolts) to the anchors.  The overhang can be tackled directly (harder) or to the right (easier).

It's possible to top-rope

Chunky Monkey

after ascending this route.

Chunky Monkey

is really a 5.10a/b route, not 5.8, with hard moves getting to the first bolt.

"Basil’s House of Healing" is considered, by historians, to be the first real hospital ever established. It was founded by the Christian bishop Basil the Great in 370. The route goes up beautiful, solid stone with plenty of good gear options. The start is a little easier, and the difficulty increases gradually all the way to the top. An anchor can be built with small gear in the crack atop the ledge, but I hope to install a bolted anchor soon.

Despite the bullet hard rock, the route took over an hour to clean. It hosted a few good-sized bushes, some loose rock, and lots of lichen. It's conceivable that this route had been climbed at some point in the past, but the condition I found it in makes me doubt that, and there is no prior documentation of an ascent.

Start in a chimney and either head left up a slab face to a large ledge or directly up through a small roof with a crack.  Once on the large ledge, continue another 15 feet to the top.  There are no anchors, so belay on gear.

Walk down 150-200 yards to the right.

It is surprisingly clean for a North Table Mountain trad route and would make for a good beginner lead.

Description

Location

Protection

Routes in Twelve Pack Wall